This is a question I have asked myself repeatedly since becoming a mom to these two beautiful littles. It's one thing to be obedient to God's calling for my own life, going where He leads, doing what He calls me to do, listening to His guidance. But what about my children who don't have a choice and who are destined, then, to go along with whatever Joe and I feel is the next step? Will they be safe? Will they feel like they miss out on a "normal" childhood? Will they still connect with their cousins and get to know their grandparents? Will they fit in with North American culture when they go back? Does it matter if they don't? Will they be frustrated with us for forcing this un-asked for lifestyle on them? Our situation is not ideal when compared to commonly held "standards." The grass really is "greener" on the other side of the world. Will they be okay with our choice for them? I don't know.
And yet, I feel excited with where God is calling our family. I feel we are where He wants us to be and we feel He has both burdened us and equipped us to meet this particular need. Although I still struggle with letting go of China, particularly the language that we've worked hard to obtain, I feel like our vision can be carried out so much better here. But it isn't the vision of my kids. They're stuck with us as parents and the vision God has placed on their Dad, and subsequently, their Mom, too. I feel like, as Joe and I make the decision to stay beyond our initial two-year commitment, we are on the threshold of a new phase for our family. I have this vision of our little family of 4, standing hand in hand, looking into the distance, and walking together, supporting each other, committed to each other, determined to walk this path together. I hope my children can someday see the heart of their parents: that we love them SO much and want what's best for them, but also want to be obedient to God's call on our life--on our family. Is it possible that they will one day see that these two are the same? That what's best for them is to be obedient to God's call?
As a mom, my heart beats for my children every moment every day. It swells with pride, it jumps in panic with the cry of a child, it rejoices in little accomplishments, it can't stop smiling through tears when just looking at the soft skin and chubby fingers and little curls of that perfect miracle I get to call my own, it gets overwhelmed with fear that I will somehow make a mistake. The distrust of the people I am called to many times outweighs the trust of the One who called me to them. My heart is overwhelmed with "what if?". Am I making the right decision for my children? Will they be okay with being raised as a "foreigner?"
I have to trust that this is where HE has called us. All of us. Our whole family. And no other place in the world, despite whatever advantages and opportunities and relationships might be offered, is as good for us as it is here. Because this is where His BEST is. I again struggle to surrender my perception of what I constitute what is best for my kids. And we, together as a family, will receive the most fulfillment in the center of His perfect will for us. Here. In this crazy, backward city we have adopted as our home. This is where we plan to raise our children, and this is where we know God has called us and will provide for us.
God will use this place to shape my children's passions, gifts, interests, and callings. As their mom, despite my feelings of inadequacy and doubts, I want to tell them how God provided for us along the way, and show them how He has/will be faithful. I want God to become their Lord as well. Through them, the nations, and future generations will be changed for His glory!
Lord, keep me confident in Your call in my (our) lives, and keep me faithful. Forgive my doubt and replace the fear in my heart with increased faith in Your plan, Your sovereignty, and trust in Your Father's heart, which is so much bigger than my mother's heart. Thank you for showing us that this is where you have called our family! We stand together in this next phase and trust You as our Leader. Let us be used as a family for your glory in this place! Amen!
And yet, I feel excited with where God is calling our family. I feel we are where He wants us to be and we feel He has both burdened us and equipped us to meet this particular need. Although I still struggle with letting go of China, particularly the language that we've worked hard to obtain, I feel like our vision can be carried out so much better here. But it isn't the vision of my kids. They're stuck with us as parents and the vision God has placed on their Dad, and subsequently, their Mom, too. I feel like, as Joe and I make the decision to stay beyond our initial two-year commitment, we are on the threshold of a new phase for our family. I have this vision of our little family of 4, standing hand in hand, looking into the distance, and walking together, supporting each other, committed to each other, determined to walk this path together. I hope my children can someday see the heart of their parents: that we love them SO much and want what's best for them, but also want to be obedient to God's call on our life--on our family. Is it possible that they will one day see that these two are the same? That what's best for them is to be obedient to God's call?
As a mom, my heart beats for my children every moment every day. It swells with pride, it jumps in panic with the cry of a child, it rejoices in little accomplishments, it can't stop smiling through tears when just looking at the soft skin and chubby fingers and little curls of that perfect miracle I get to call my own, it gets overwhelmed with fear that I will somehow make a mistake. The distrust of the people I am called to many times outweighs the trust of the One who called me to them. My heart is overwhelmed with "what if?". Am I making the right decision for my children? Will they be okay with being raised as a "foreigner?"
I have to trust that this is where HE has called us. All of us. Our whole family. And no other place in the world, despite whatever advantages and opportunities and relationships might be offered, is as good for us as it is here. Because this is where His BEST is. I again struggle to surrender my perception of what I constitute what is best for my kids. And we, together as a family, will receive the most fulfillment in the center of His perfect will for us. Here. In this crazy, backward city we have adopted as our home. This is where we plan to raise our children, and this is where we know God has called us and will provide for us.
God will use this place to shape my children's passions, gifts, interests, and callings. As their mom, despite my feelings of inadequacy and doubts, I want to tell them how God provided for us along the way, and show them how He has/will be faithful. I want God to become their Lord as well. Through them, the nations, and future generations will be changed for His glory!
Lord, keep me confident in Your call in my (our) lives, and keep me faithful. Forgive my doubt and replace the fear in my heart with increased faith in Your plan, Your sovereignty, and trust in Your Father's heart, which is so much bigger than my mother's heart. Thank you for showing us that this is where you have called our family! We stand together in this next phase and trust You as our Leader. Let us be used as a family for your glory in this place! Amen!
This is beautiful, Veronica. :)
ReplyDeletethanks, Marissa! I guess all we're asked to do is be obedient. I'm glad the result isn't up to me! :)
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